Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
