Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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