Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
