There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
