Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Drunk is not a location!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
