Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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