if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
