Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm passing your future prison.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have aggressive nipples.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
