You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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