My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
