My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have fence marks all over my body
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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