I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
