I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
