Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
