The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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