My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
