Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
