it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
3 2 1 whiskey
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
