Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
