exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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