It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
