His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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