rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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