escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
