I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
