What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
