I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
