i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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