Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
