I cockslap morals
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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