There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
