Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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