I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your tits are I can't wait for
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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