wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Small penises have feelings too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
