Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
