Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
