Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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