so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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