just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
