I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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