They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
