I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
