i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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