Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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