I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
