My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
