I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
