New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
