i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
