Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
