I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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