Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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