Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
