i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
...so i touched it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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