shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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