Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
